Monday, October 12, 2009


So long

Song long since I have sung this song;
A song of hope,
of joy,
of anguish,
of despair.

Song long has the light crossed my face,
Carressing my features, stroking my mind,
Lighting the fire that lingers inside.

So long has it been since I have faced
you- my
oh outlet! I cry,
as I sink to the floor and rub my eyes
and I sigh,
Its been too long, oh friend of mine.

I wonder

As I sit here
I think
Wonder when
everything will just work
Or in,
depending on how you
look at things,
because lately
seems to be
falling apart.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

My poem Scars


They gave us a scar
That colored our world yellow
That left a mark on our hearts
That made us different from the rest
They gave us a yellow scar.

They gave us a scar
That colored our world black and blue
That left a mark on our skin
That separated us from the rest
They gave us a black and blue scar.

They gave us a scar
That colored our world red
That left a mark on our lives
That set our souls free from our bodies
They gave us a red scar.

But some scars can be prevented
Because scars can’t appear
If the mark isn’t made
If the damage isn’t done.
What one of us did
Was not for fame
Glory or wealth
What they did was for us
What they did was for all.

They set it up carefully
They thought long and hard
They suffered many nights
Looking at their scars.

They told us what to do
They assured us they’d come too
But somehow we knew
We knew that wasn’t true.

We stole away
Our scars, if any, hidden
While they stayed behind
While they who helped us escape
Paid their punishment in blood.

I am only one person
But my scars are the scars of my people
What happens to me happens to us all
And the one who let me live
The one who saved my life
Saved the life of my people
They saved us all.


Embarrassment is horrible.
Okay so we're going on a field trip to our community college on Thursday and there was a writing contest about the Holocaust we could all enter. It just so happens that I won with my poem 'Scars'. So now I have to read it to the whole eighth grade, which is about 350 people, some of which I'd known since first grade.
I am flipping out.
I can barely read it out loud to one person.
The worst part is all those cold fish eyes staring at me.

Sunday, April 19, 2009

Guess what invisible readers!
I am blogging from my cell phone. :)
amazing, i know. sorta. so i'll probably be blogging all the time now. :) yay!

Wake up

Wake up and see
the world
Wake up and see
the stars
Wake up and see
what you've done
What you've done
to get where you are
Instead of living
In a made up
Because reality isn't
If you're
Numb to your
Because you can't truly
Because you can't truly
Because you can't really
If you consciousness is



it's just too


I suppose this is

No words

The sad thing is
I think this blog
just might be
my best friend



Everything just turns out



I just like to write in cursive
watching the loops form letters to make words
Sometimes I do this
I don't know why
I just do


Sing a song
a song that says
who you are
not what others
see you as
because even if they
think they know you
often times
they don't


Behold! said he
as his kingdom came to life
and the silent approval
rang high into the heavens
tantalizing the angels
and turning God's head
down to the artist
alone in his room
gazing at his painting
a painting that was painted
to escape the taunts and jeers
that his work was not worthy
of attention


I wonder how you all would respond if I sat here and hummed. Or clapped. or sang a song. or didnt use punctuation Ordidn'tusespaces. How many of you would care? Who would care if I typed gibberish?hfuskfhsukfdshifhdsjhdjskhfsdjhfdsuifhyweeeexn esfjkhesfbsjkbgjsdbjkxbxcknxcvncxvkbvcjklx
Or tried to type my name with my elbow? <(xxxxx) i'm being safety consious>
How many would care.
Who would care.
And why.


Most people would say that the worst emotions are anger, sadness, etc. I disagree.
I believe that in order to embrace those 'good' emotions, you need to be able to experience and cherish the bad. how can you know happiness if you don't know sadness? Forgiveness if you don't know guilt? How can there be the best without the worst?
But there are emotions that I do not like experiencing- namely guilt and loneliness. Now, I do like being alone; don't get me wrong. There's nothing I enjoy more than curling up with a good book in my room, or watching the sun rise on a warm morning with a cup of chamomile tea. But when I crave human interaction the most and it's rejected; that loneliness sinks in and happiness seems impossible.
So I write. I write in the hopes that someone out there will listen or read, and someone will learn. I write in the hopes that people will understand me and people like me. I write in the hopes that one day, when I'm gone and my ashes in a pot or scattered somewhere, that some part of me will remain.
So I write.


And it's when those stings
those strings that attach me to the people I love get in the way
It's when I think the most about cutting those strings
running away

Saturday, April 18, 2009


There's something fascinating about a new toy, or ones that's been re-discovered. Such as this blog. i feel like I'm posting a ton of things that nobody is reading, but it's so much fun anyway. To just talk and get it all out. To have anyone listen, even if it's my own ears, hearing the sad clicks and clacks of my keyboard as it pours out my soul onto the cold, unforgiving world that is the Internet.

The Great Outdoors

I love summer. It feels like we skipped spring and dove into summer.


Wow now the word summer looks weird.
Any way I spent a lot of time outside today, mowed the lawn, went out for ice cream, and played until it was dark and to bottoms of my feet were black. It makes me really appreciate the Earth and lift a lot of the gloom and doom off my shoulders.
Here's a poem I just wrote:

The sunshine
down to earth, breaking
the barrier
of clouds that gave it cold stares
for that period of bleakness
it Warms my face, becoming my companion and leaving a mark on me
for the world to see
before it awakens the trees from their lazy sleep
and coaxes the flowers from their underground hideouts
before painting new grass with a fresh coat of green paint
paint that will flake and peel to reveal an aging yellow
an aging yellow
that is the sure sign of time
ticking away as the suns stay is shortened
and its days are numbered
but alas
this is the time when I ache for the barrier of clouds
because we all want what is not ours to keep
like the sun on a pine tree day
so when my wish is fulfilled
and the pine tree day is here
I ache for the sun
that was once so dear

Not my best work but I came up with it in like two minutes so....
tell me what you think!

Hmm. Comedy is enlightning.

Okay. I spelled enlighning wrong. I think.

Anyway, I get these uber cool podcasts of Dilbert. I was watching one and Dilbert comes home and says to Dogbert, "Urgh! I'm so frustrated! People are lazy, time is to fast and too slow, deadlines are ignored, rules are broken, and all work is shoddily done! I guess all I'm trying to say is I need a little sympathy" So Dogbert says, "You are totally blocking my view of the wall."
I have no idea how that's enlighning, but it was pretty funny to me at three a.m.

Did you know?

Did you know...

that a
7 foot alligator
is considered small?